One of the things that inspired me to start this blog was a nonchalant suggestion from my awesome husband. Thanks, Rivs. If I ever write a book, I'll definitely put you in the acknowledgments, somewhere after God, Lady Gaga and Donny Osmond. Love them.
A more recent event that moved me to write on the topic of Mormon polarity was reading about last week's mass resignation of Mormons from the LDS church. If you want the full story, you can access it at www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/northamerica/usa/9369274/Mormons-quit-church-in-mass-resignation-ceremony.html">.
If you want the Sparks notes version, I'll give you a quick summery.
In a move of solidarity, 150 members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints gathered in Salt Lake City to sign "A Declaration of Independence from Mormonism", effectuating their renouncement of membership from the church. Their main reasons for resignation were "the church's political activism against gay marriage and doctrinal teachings that conflict with scientific findings or are perceived as racist or sexist."
When I read about this event, I felt conflicting senses of sorrow and relief. I'm pretty used to conflicting emotions, although they normally occur at the same time each month and are thus easier to detect and deal with (well, easier for ME to deal with. For Rivs, I'm sure it's a different story...) However, the mixture of contrading emotions I experienced after reading this article were much more difficult to dissect.
I feel sorrow for the former members of the LDS church who must have felt ostracized enough in their worldviews and so pressured to fit the 'Mormon mold' that they needed the comfort of like-minded people in order to muster the courage to resign their membership. Mormons tend to have a very cohesive group identity which often causes those on the fringe (like me) to feel isolated. Having grappled for years with some of the tenets of the church within the blessing and curse of my skeptical and liberal mind, I feel empathy for the 150 people whose deconstruction of religion overrode their testimony. Believe me, I've been there. And I'm not just talking about the Chinese Mind-trap questions like "Who is Heavenly Father's Father?" (come on, I know you've all asked that question) or "Were Adam and Even cavemen?" (maybe I'm alone in that one...?). When I speak of deconstructing religion, I mean wrestling with deep moral issues that resonate with me nearly as much as my testimony of the gospel they contradict. When my mind goes into academic mode, I'm grateful that I have had one or two spiritual experiences in my life that were strong enough to pull me from my existential downward spirals (and for me, these happen on a daily basis). When it comes down to it, no matter what moral or scientific dilemmas I encounter in contrast to my faith, I have those few moments of spiritual certainty to anchor me to a religion that sometimes makes little sense. I'm sure that those who left the church had similar spiritual experiences in their lives, and I can only assume that the reasons they had for leaving were so intrinsic to their identities that no ethereal feeling could hold them.
And I think this is why I felt a sense of relief. When you spend your life in liminality-straddled between faith and logic-you begin to feel inadequate in both spheres. I've often seen myself as a lousy Mormon because I don't need tissues during Fast and Testimony meeting (this happens at church once a month, where members of the congregation get up and talk about their testimony); I just haven't been blessed with a heightened spiritual sense. I feel guilty when I find myself saying "oh come on, you haven't even reached the pulpit and you're already sobbing like a toddler who dropped their ice cream cone", but really I think I'm jealous that my faith rarely brings me to tears. On the other hand, in the academic world the phrase "I can't prove it or explain it, I just believe it" rarely gets you anywhere.
Being as I am-committed to my faith but unable to relinquish my skeptical post-modern mind-I feel like William Wallace in the final scene of Braveheart when his limbs are being pulled in opposite directions by a medieval torture device (wait, Braveheart is rated R. No, I take that analogy back. I've never seen the movie...) It's tormenting to feel your identity divided between two seemingly irreconcilable ideologies, which is why completely committing to one side would be, in a sense, a relief. I'm not saying that resigning from the church would be a relief to me, but I think I can understand the feeling of respite that might come from relinquishing the war.
Well, that is all I have to say about that (for now). Let me know what you think about the mass resignation of Mormons. I'll be interested to hear your take on it. As far as the reasons the 150 people left the church (gay marriage, scientific contradictions, racism, sexism), I'll be spending plenty of time on those topics later. I don't want to scare you off. Yet.
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ReplyDeleteSteph. You are a terrific writer. A profound thinker. And a very good Mormon. Always enjoy reading blogs from people who check off all three of those boxes. Can't wait for the next blog. Oh and we all miss you here in Hawaii. Come back some time.
ReplyDeleteI wonder why they felt the need for a 'mass resignation'? People I know who have left the Church for various reasons have just quietly slipped away and not returned. I guess there 150 people felt they were making a point and wanted it noticed.
ReplyDeleteSteph, after majoring in ICS I have been having a similar struggle on a daily basis. It totally sucks when you are viewing sacrament meeting as both a sacred covenant and a ritual that serves to keep a group unified and obedient. I find myself facing the same question day after day and coming up with the same answer (yes I do believe) every time. At first I felt like I must be less faithful because I kept on doubting, but then I realized that as long as the answer was always yes, it didn't really matter how many times I asked it. Thanks for posting, it's a comfort to see you whooping doubt's booty too!
ReplyDeleteI don't worry about those who ask meaningful questions, at least when they are serious about finding answers. I believe we are meant to ask them. I worry about anyone who believes blindly, because they never get the chance to understand themselves or the issues in question. I think there are a lot of Mormons who have been stuck in the ritualistic and repetitive nature of what they think they are supposed to believe, and never give themselves the opportunity to understand why they believe. You dig deeper, and in determining what you feel is right and how that fits into your relationship with deity, have developed a more real and personal relationship with God. Right on! Like I said, I feel good about the questions you ask yourself. Besides, I'd bet that God is more liberal-minded than a lot of old school Mormon traditionalists would acknowledge. I'm looking forward to additions to this blog, you are a fantastic writer and thinker.
ReplyDeleteOn my mission I loved being able to tell people- ask any question- because we can find an answer- through the Spirit or by "studying it out." It was traumatizing to come to BYUH afterward and to be told again and again not to talk about certain things, or that I was being contentious when I brought up questions. And this didn't havppen once or twice- it happened all the time over a myriad of issues. Bishop Crowell once told me as a woman under his authority I had no right to question him because he had the priesthood. When I wrote an article in the Ke Alaka'i asking why more women don't hold leadership positions at BYUH, I received so much mail telling me to stop being contentious and one student told me to stop spreading Satan's plan. In fact, in my one Communications class that I had to take for my generals, I was asked to leave after I questioned Compton's analysis of the Allegory of the Cave- that Mormon's would never have to question whether we're looking at shadows or sunlight because we have the Spirit. He could not deal with the question- but how do we know that "feeling the Spirit" is real? And so many in Church can't abide questions, even though that is exactly what the Book of Mormon tells us to do. It's just another place where the doctrine of the Church and the culture of the Church aren't aligned. I've never really understood why if people "know" (I'm not questioning their knowledge- I'm emphasizing their verbage) it's true- wouldn't they jump at the chance to test it against any measure? Whenever people ask me to stop applying logic (the God I believe in created my brain just as much as my heart or spirit) I know that I've come too close to the cracks in their faith. And coming up against this defense mechanism- don't bring up those questions because I don't have the answers so it's easier to ostracize you than search out the truth- is a major reason I don't go to Church anymore. I cannot stand to hear things from the pulpit that are part of our culture maybe, or assumptions people have made, or just personal wingnuttery, but certainly not true, and then just expected to keep my mouth shut. And I wish this were just a problem at BYUH, but I've experienced it every place I've gone since. It hurts my heart.
ReplyDeleteWhile I would never go that route, I understand why those 150 resigning members wanted to raise a collective voice against the hundreds and thousands and millions of times they've been told to sit down and be quiet again and again and again.
Thanks, Steph, for sharing your insights with a broader audience. I've always been impressed by your ability to view the world and others objectively. I admired it so much I wanted you to be my sister (since sister wife was out of the question). Glad you and Rivs finally found each other. I am 100% convinced that the only reason for the mass resignation (if 150 counts for mass in the Inter-Mountain West) from Mormondom is the current "Mormon Moment" in which we find ourselves. If Romney weren't running for POTUS there would be no such spotlight. While, I too, feel for those who have left, I personally think that if they were leaving for personal reasons that the spectacle should have been a bit less spectacular and maybe a bit more individual. I think most of us struggle with some of the same issues. I worked with the lead professor of the Inventing Lamanites DNA Evidence attempting to refute the BOM while compiling the oral histories and developing an atlas of indigenous place names of The Cayuse, Umatilla, and Walla Walla tribes. Despite DNA evidence to the contrary I had a really hard time not seeing parallels between Long House ceremonies and LDS temple ceremonies as well as oral histories that seemed to point more toward LDS cosmologies than modern anthropological and archeological explanations. Though this is the first I've gone on record for stating it, regardless of the evidence for or against such claims, attending and participating in the ceremonies has helped me become a more informed neighbor and friend and has enriched my study of scripture, history, language, geography, religion, and anthropology as well as my ritual temple and sacrament meeting participation.
ReplyDeleteI want to say a loud "Amen!" to Ryan's comment.
ReplyDeleteAs far as the mass resignation, I can understand where they're coming from. It's easy (for me at least...) to see things in the church, such as that list of things, that are hurtful and damaging and difficult to imagine being from God but that are also pretty deeply engrained in our LDS culture. Like Susan said, there are plenty of people that slide away from the church that probably struggle with the same things the people that resigned did, but that don't feel the need to publicize it. They mention in the article that some of the people did it to give courage to others who might want to leave as well, but I also imagine that for some of them, it was a way to gain attention for something that they feel has been or is being ignored in a system where there is no easy path to change, so the easiest thing to do is leave.
Can't wait to hear what else you have to say!
Thanks so much for your input, everyone. I'm both sad and comforted to know that I'm not alone in my daily mental tug of war. I'm so glad that you all feel comfortable and open enough to discuss how you truly feel. It gives me hope! And I absolutely agree with all of you who suggest that asking questions is not only important but imperative to establishing a true testimony (minus those few people who really, truly just 'know').
ReplyDeleteAs far as the 'mass resignation' goes, in my personal opinion it's a little bit of what Susan and Jake said, and a bit of what Liza and Jenna suggest. I think that those wanting to resign their membership could have chosen to do so in a more discrete way, if their motives were personal and genuine. At the same time, I can understand the desire to "stick it to the man" after years of feeling as though you don't have a voice in a religion whose doctrine teaches tolerance and acceptance. It's kind of like one last act of defiance before signing out and moving on.
Thanks again for your comments. Let's keep the discussion going!
My mind was on overload as I was like YES! No... Kind of... and GET OVER IT! LOL :) I like your comments here, Steph. I agree with you and with your bits and pieces on the comments left above. WHEW! So glad you can nicely word your thoughts in a post, not a novel, as I was considering to leave behind! :)
DeleteSteph, I really appreciate your thoughts and this blog. I love hearing about your life and ideas and this is very impressive, I’m happy to see it and I appreciate all of the discussion. I know we have had similar conversations on this topic in real life and I have always admired your ability to explore various conflicting perspectives. So overall, cheers.
ReplyDeleteHere are my thoughts:
While, I understand the personal incentive in resigning from the church, the mass resignation ceremony is an interesting and bold collective move. I've also always wondered if it is necessary to formally resign...if you don't believe in the church then your name on a list doesn't really mean anything. Now I am realizing that the mass resignation is a symbolic form of extrication, esp. considering that substantial member numbers are used to validate the church and its objectives- so if you don’t believe in the church you probably wouldn’t want to be used as statistical persuasion. I'm interested in how they got together...craigslist?
I don't get the sense that they are trying to "stick it to the man" I think that the reasoning is that Mormonism is all or nothing. Their demonstration makes this statement in way that I didn't interpret as caustic but perhaps...thoughtful. The decision isn’t presented as one that was easy for any of these people to make. Their overall statement seems to be that the LDS church requires 100% commitment to every principle, every prophet that you sustain, every blessing you receive, and every tithe you pay. Which is true.
Consider the most obvious topic of gay marriage, or homosexuality in general. The church does not support homosexuality, and as far as I can tell that statement isn’t negotiable. The LDS church can create support groups, offer counsel, discuss it on campus (which I applaud BYU USGA https://www.facebook.com/groups/byuusga/ for doing, it is progress) until the proverbial second coming, but until a homosexual person can actively participate in and accept their sexuality, find and see and hold love each other the same way a heterosexual mormon couple can, while holding the priesthood, while feeling confident and valid in participating in a calling or taking the sacrament, these efforts, however progressive, are unfortunately false. It is propaganda posing as consent to placate the rapidly accepting perspective of the general society. In my mind, they are saying, "Sure, you can be gay and say it out loud on campus and in church without being excommunicated…now. But, please don't expect any kind of real acceptance because being gay is still bad and God still doesn't think you are ready to make and keep sacred covenants. Or have kids. Or feel comfortable in your own skin, ever."
But I digress…though I have strong feelings on the aforementioned subject, my real point is that it is too easy to distance oneself from those who have parochial views while endorsing and being part of an institution that prescribes, fosters, and encourages that behavior. Proposition 8 is an excellent example of this for me personally.
I know and love so many great liberally minded, open, accepting, all around loving people who are active in the LDS religion, but these people, like you, must describe themselves as an “I’m-not-like-other-Mormons” Mormon. They must continually make concessions for the behavior, beliefs, and principals of a religion that literally requires an uplifted hand representing 100% of your support.
Thanks for your insight. I'm not 100% sure I know who you are, "Sockingly", but I think you're Britney. Correct?
DeleteYes! I should have mentioned that. Thanks for yours, your a hero. Also I might move to Brazil because your trip looked amazing. Sokingsly. Like Kingsly but it was taken, I added the "so" for emphasis.
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ReplyDeleteI don't know if it's the lack of sleep, the hormones (not prego), or the fact that you just put down in words everything I feel in a way i could never do that just brought be to tears. tears or relief, that I'm not a bad mormon, and that there's more and more of us out there who are tired of feeling like the outcasts at a frat party. I have so many friends who have left the church recently, it hurts, it's confusing. But at the same time, I'm so sick and tired of the crap the media is saying about the church being oppressive and money hungry, I feel the need to stick up for it all the time. Unlike a lot of people, I've asked questions, and was received very well, I've asked patriachs, temple presidents, members of the quorum of the 70, my bishops.(I also spend a lot of time of fairlds.org, not saying that that's a voice of authority, but it has clarified certain things for me, than i just prayed about it) I think that if any of them had told me to not question I would have been disappointed and hurt. So I can see that people would leave the church because of it. But I also know that no one is perfect, and sometimes people say things because they don't know the answer and/or have never been taught to seek and question. arguably a generation thing too.
ReplyDeleteBut I also see people who misunderstand mormon culture for the gospel, never questioning, and when challenged by life events or opposition, they don't know where to draw strength from.
I'm sure all these people had different reasons to leave the church, and i would argue that part of it was for show, because they all know that they could have just mailed those letters and know one would have cared; and part of it because they sadly enough felt oppressed by a religion they didn't understand. When my 4 year old tells me, we're not allowed to drink coffee, I tell her, we do what we want, but we chose not to drink it, because Heavenly Father told us it was good for our body. I see the gospel as giving me more freedom from wordly oppression, while i think many see it as being "the church" putting restrictions on us and demanding things.
Now If I saw that way, I might want to publicly free myself from it. It saddens me though to think that out of all the time they were members, they didn't get anything out of it, that they don't believe that it helped them in one way or the other be a better person.
thanks for the post, I really look forward to more.
You said, "I aslo know that no one is perfect, and sometimes people say things because they don't know the answer and/or have never been taught to seek and question." I would add to this that one of the most bitter-sweet aspects of the gospel, of life, is that it's very very personal. I guarantee you that all of us "LDSers" have read the exact same verses of the exact same scriptures over a thousand times- yet I will take something different from it than you will and depending on if I'm an 8 year old, 16 year old or a now 27 year old. In fact, I anticipate that I will continue to take new insights from the scriptures for the rest of my life. I genuinely would like to add that perhaps those individuals DO know how to seek and question and even recieve direction and personal revelation for thier lives... it just might be, and probably is, a matter of said person applying THEIR answers to everyone elses questions as well. Very frustrating when that happens!
DeleteThe gospel is the law. It's what Heavenly Father governs his people by. It's set forth and good and right and true. It's the straight and narrow course, right? I think that this is where the beauty of the Atonement just keeps getting prettier! Our Savior performed the Atonement so that as imperfect as we are, as much as we don't just "get it," as many times as we rebel, as many times as we not only "ask" why not, but purposfully break the law to find out 'why not', and as many times as it takes us to fall down before we figure out how to stand on our own two feet, HE made it possible for us to STILL return to our Father's presence and recieve all that he has and is and hopes for us to become. Not only that, he is EQUALLY excited for us to simply return home!!! In that moment, it won't matter your status in the church, or if you have a beard, or if you attended church only at sunset, or if you were the most valient LDS man/woman alive, or if you are a LGBT activast. It won't matter because he loves us and pulls for our success, equally!
The "problem" is that we are ALL very individual and different human beings who learn very very differntly and independantly than each other. So, how can ONE gospel provide the ONE answer for ALL of these individual souls? And if I KNOW that I have prayed and that this IS the answer Heavenly Father has given to me- then I turn around and tell a congregation of my experience- then follows the dangerous consequence of sharing my answer- and that is that someone or somemany in the congregation are going to assume that I just told them 'their' answer too. That because I said the sky is blue, that means it has to be blue and there is no variation available. The end. It's blue- Ashley said so because God told her so. Does this make any sense???
The long of it is that Steph has her road to travel and I have mine and everyone has theirs. I believe that because of the Atonement, the world isn't so black and white as we may sometimes believe. I truly don't understand when others say that they feel ostracized because they ask questions and wonder and experiment- That's what this life is all about... making mistakes, correcting them, and becoming the wiser for having done so. This is the way that I have become Okay with the fact that I love Steph in all her liberal glory and I'm sure the only way she is able to have a civil relationship with me as a conservative. ;) Two wonderful, great hearted, good-souled women who believe in making it to the same end. So what if our idea on how to get there is different? We allow all men and women to have an opinion and share it. Our job- the only thing we have control over- is how we respond to it... OUR CHOICE. Which is again, a very, very awesome thing! I would personally, again just me here, rather be told to sit down and shut up x ETERNITY, than allow the agency and opinions and life experiences of my neighbors and friends and associates, dictate and ultimately destroy mine. My agency. To those who chose to leave the church in a mass demonstration- that's their road to travel. To those who told Chiddycho up above there, to take a back seat and let the Priesthood drive (Which ultimately resulted in the fact that she now CHOOSES to avoid church). To those who would judge or belittle the decision of the 150 who walked away, not from a religion, but from an eternity of promised and perfect blessings from our Heavenly Father- YOUR choice.
DeleteAs "grey-ish" like as I could present my opinion, there it is... :)
I am so very very sorry for the capital words! I was in NO WAY yelling :) I am a very calm and light-hearted and happy person who has the inability to express herself and/or show emotion when writing, EXCEPT by capitalizing the word that reflects the upward tone of my voice... I am so sorry for this. I think it's an illness that I should have checked...:)
DeleteI just feel that struggling is part of what we're called to do. If you're comfortable, you're not really... reaching. Sometimes you need to do rest a bit; that isn't really a problem.
ReplyDeleteOne of my favorite quotes- "I am like a rough stone rolling down from a high mountain; knocking off a corner here and a corner there. Thus I will become a smooth and polished shaft in the quiver of the Almighty."
I can't imagine that the leaders of our Church go more than few hours without struggling.
I just read an scientific article yesterday that said that Neanderthals never mated with Homo-Sapiens. I found it to be an interesting piece of the puzzle.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.medicaldaily.com/news/20120814/11483/neanderthal-humans-university-of-cambridge.htm